I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize