My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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