I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
