I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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