I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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