There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I believe in your delicious
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
