i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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