Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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