So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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