and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
