Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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