a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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