thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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