I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
