my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
