Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
