True but thats because hes a fetus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
