Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
