God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
