Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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