Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
