I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
