She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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