Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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