I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
