Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
