tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
