So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
one two three fourrrrnication!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
