her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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