He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
