was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
