she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
