I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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