Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
