Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
