birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
