names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
