Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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