have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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