I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
