It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
