ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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