Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
