I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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