Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
