the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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