Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
