Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
