pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to calm my uterus...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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