She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
