Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
