he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
