I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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