My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think a kid would responsible me up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
