At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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