Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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