dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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