I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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