I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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