I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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