it's too hot outside to masturbate.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
