so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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