I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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