I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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