His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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