Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
