she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
