I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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