A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
