I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
