his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
