my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
