Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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