a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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