Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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