I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
