I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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