We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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