Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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